“You should be a journalist”
I forgot, I went travelling, pursued other interests and lived in a town known for it’s wild partying. My creativity got suppressed and with that so did my ability to share my voice and words with the world.
I’ve been told many times that I am good at writing, however deep down inside I never felt it. Not only was my writing blocked, my whole ability to express myself was blocked. To tell others how I really felt, to speak my truth, and to really own it. This just didn’t happen on paper, it affected how I communicated in general.
If I ever expressed myself through a post on social media, my blocked inner voice would just shudder and tell me to take it down. An hour later I would give in and the post would be removed. I even tried to start up another blog under a different name so people wouldn’t know it was me. It became so hard to express my writing and how I really felt. To tell all my untold stories.
There is no greater agony then baring an untold story inside of you – Maya Angelou
I have always written. Letters to loved ones. In depth text messages to friends. I even use to write these enormous emails while travelling, capturing every detail of my experience and wanting whoever was reading it to be sharing it with me. The replies were always the same ‘it took me so long to read your email’, however the next email would be just as long.
English was my one of my favourite subjects, it was where I got to tell my stories. I would make up characters in my head and give them life on paper. I use to get so excited to see a sticker that said ‘5 stars, great work’ from my teacher and would count down the hours untill I could write again.
When I get in that flow of writing, it’s like time stops. Words just flow out of my head onto paper. It feels so natural to me. It’s what I love to do and what brings me joy. My journal is filled every day with my thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams. When I don’t feel confident to share my stories, I pour my heart out onto those pages.
Writing is the painting of the voice – Voltaire
I decided two years ago to create my first personal blog. I wrote for the first 6 months, then the blockages came. The year after, I wrote a few more posts, this time more raw. My finger would hover over the share button for at least 10 minutes before finally showing my writing to the world. The feedback I got was always good, however deep down I never believed it.
This year was when things changed. I started focusing on my freelancing business and my full-time job. I expelled so much energy externally that I grew exhausted and my writing took a back seat. I had become so blocked and felt so defeated that I started seeking answers. That’s when my healing journey got really deep.
I started seeing a Kinesiologist, which has been a huge catalyst for my growth. By working with energy fields within my body we were able to uncover many hidden limiting unconscious beliefs stemmed from my childhood and released so many underlying fears that were holding me back from living my true potential.
While going through this transformation, I hibernated alot and spent more time in nature. I would either go hiking or just take a book and my journal to a park and read or write. Whenever I was in nature it was like time stopped. Books, podcasts and Ted talks by other creatives became my bible. I learnt more about creative and writing blocks, how deep it went and how these inspirational people overcame it.
I started rediscovering my feminine creative energy and embraced being a woman a whole lot more. Dancing became a weekly routine; not just boogying on the dance floor with my girlfriends but cranking the music loud at home in my underwear and shaking my booty to 90’s music.
Yoga and Meditation was where I could be totally at peace in the present moment. After a yoga session, I would always start to feel clear and centered. Connected back into my heart and into a state of gratitude. It was a place of total acceptance, and brought me back to me.
I joined a writers meet up group, which became my support hub and I started to attract other writers and creative types into my life. I realised I was not alone. Blog post titles would come to me all the time, and I would jot them down in my phone, knowing when the time was right, that story would be unleashed.
Along with my other healing remedies, I still felt blocked. I knew there was something deeper so I started looking into deep hypnosis and I do have to recommend it to anyone who has deep trauma within, it was a miracle worker and the final piece to the puzzle.
I feel like I have been given this gift of writing so I can help others through my words. These last 2 years I have been working very hard spiritually, physically and emotionally to release these blockages and because you are reading this, I feel I am definitely on the right track.
And so now the floodgates have opened who knows what’s in store for me. I just want to write and I want to express myself more on and off the paper. My writing is becoming more raw and real and I hope by telling some of my stories I may be able to help others with my words.